Washington nostalgia

Warning: this post is basically a watered-down version of my journal from last week. For those of you who don't know, I lived in Washington for about 6 months, 6 years ago... hence all the nostalgia.

 So. Back to Washington.  I didn't make it down to Tacoma/Lakewood, which is too bad, but I guess it's okay because I can still imagine perfectly that bridge that I would run to, that water tower by the chapel, and the train tracks near my apartment. Maybe it was just the fact that I was by myself on this visit (as opposed to the road trip two years ago with Megan and Gavin), but I was so taken back to six years ago when I spent honestly some of the most miserable months of my life in this beautiful state. As I was driving around the past two days, I thought about all of the tears I shed there and all of the heartache I went through. It was mostly (okay, pretty much all) self-imposed, but still. I just kept thinking "trial by fire." I thought about how much has changed since then and how different I am from that girl. It's crazy to think how much has happened in these past six years and how every good thing and every blessing I have in my life now has kind of been a result of what happened there. Despite all of the really awful days spent in Washington, I probably wouldn't trade it for anything. I might go back and tell myself to not eat entire boxes of cereal in one sitting, though. 

Those six months in Lakewood were so awful in so many ways, but also so great in so many ways too. I was able to get to know my cousins, I started learning how to be alone, and I really came to understand the Atonement. I learned about how merciful and long-suffering Father in Heaven is toward His children. I think that was also the time that I started to learn what Father in Heaven had in store for me, and when I started reconciling what it meant to align my will with His. I remember so many internal debates about what I wanted vs. what felt right and how upset I was that they weren't the same thing. How is it that He knows so perfectly what is best and right for us in the end?

I couldn't see then what my life could be or what blessings were in store for me. I'm not saying that even now I have a perfect perspective on the Lord's plan for my life, but now I trust in it--whatever it may be. 

I was at my ward on Sunday, and this guy in Sunday school made a comment about how sometimes while he's reading his Patriarchal Blessing or something, he'll think, "I understand the plan, Heavenly Father--I'm just not so sure that You do." And once as he was thinking that, the impression that he received was, "You're adding in details where I never had them." I just love that. Father in Heaven is definitely aware of every detail of our lives, and things will happen when it's best for us. I'm just really grateful that He was able to take that time in Washington, along with all of my mistakes, and turn it into so many blessings. When I think about my life now and how completely blessed it is, I feel almost like Ammon: "How great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started . . . that God would have granted unto us such great blessings? And now, I ask, what great blessings has he bestowed upon us? Can ye tell? . . . I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." (Book of Mormon, Alma, Alma 26) 

He just says it so perfectly: "my heart is brim with joy." Isn't it amazing what the Lord does to bless us? I think Washington will always be a reminder to me that He is planning every detail of our lives. What a comforting thought :)