Cancer-noia

Am I the only one out there who is perpetually paranoid about contracting some horrible disease? Both times I spent time in Africa, a good portion of that time was spent worried that someone was going to run up and stick me with an HIV-infected needle or that I was going to get bitten by a malaria-carrying mosquito (oh wait—that one actually happened).

But really. I didn't eat at Taco Bell for like years and years after that hepatitis whatever scare, and I can hardly touch raw meat and have to religiously disinfect any possible salmonella breeding grounds in the kitchen. I use hand sanitizer like it's a drug (which, at this point, it pretty much is). 

All these worried tendencies are nothing, however, compared to my cancer-noia. As I write this, I'm waiting for some doctor results to come back to tell me, in my worst-case-scenario mind, whether or not I have cancer. (I really don't; I promise.) I'm not worried about it, although the ultrasound technician spent an awfully long time wielding that gooey, looking-through-my-skin ultrasound instrument. Anyway. So as I wait (I'm not really waiting... Just bored at the moment), I thought I'd give you a glimpse into my paranoia-filled mind and make a list of all the things that I'm positive are giving me cancer:

1. Standing in front of a microwave when it's going. After pressing that start button, I leave the room always if I can help it. Microwaves at stomach-level seem somehow worse...

2. Walking through a metal detector while talking on a cell phone. People probably thought I was so weird every time I walked through the metal detectors in the library at BYU, because if I was on the phone, I'd put the phone down as I walked through. One too many waves going on there.

3. Goiters. Just don't ask any follow-up questions. It's a real thing. You know, for some people.

4. Looking at the light from a copy machine while it's scanning. Again, coworkers have almost certainly seen me looking up after I press the start button and have thought that I'm super weird. Whatever. I can get away with it, though, right?

So, yeah. Basically I'm insane. Please tell me I'm not the only one with crazy, irrational cancer-related fears. 

Merely me.

I watched Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella the other day. The Brandy version, of course. It may or may not have been while working, and on YouTube. Dare you to judge me.

I can never get enough of the song-and-dance, interracial goodness of that film, although I'm not quite sure how it compares to the Broadway version. Anyway. As much as I love every single song in that movie, one line in particular stuck out to me this time through: "a girl who's merely me." You know the song it comes from—the two stepsisters are getting out their frustration and negative emotions through song (what a great idea, right?), and, like, psychotic jealousy and violent tendencies aside, they make a valid point: "what's the matter with the men?!" Why can't a fellow ever once prefer a girl who's merely me? Just a usual girl.

The more I get to know people, the more I realize things about myself (that whole trying-to-not-compare-myself-to-others thing is obviously going really well), like the fact that, for as wonderful as I (and my mother) think I am, I'm really just an average girl. There really aren't a ton of things that I'm really good at, let alone great at. (Except maybe editing. Or kissing; I'm a great kisser.) And the more I think about that, the more I'm okay with it. I don't have to be great at anything to have a good sense of humor, an empathetic heart, or a fun personality. I don't have to be an expert at anything to still be a hard worker or a good friend.

So, yeah. I'm just a solid (though hopefully not in the hefty, solid-chocolate kind of way), usual girl. And that's enough. And someday there'll be a fellow who will prefer that. And that'll be good enough for me.

Me, on a rare bare-bones-makeup kind of day, lounging at the lake house of some dear friends.

BTdubs, a quick grammar goody on "who's" vs. "whose." YES, there is a difference. Learn it; love it; use it. Here we go:

Who's=contraction of "who is" or "who has" ex: "who's at the door?" "Who's seen that movie?"

Whose=adjective. generally talking about the possessor of an object. "Whose coat is this?" "Do you know whose this is?"