So... why AREN'T you married yet?

So I had this conversation with my coworkers the other day (I promise we do work, we are just really talented multi-taskers)--a conversation I've had many times before, with various groups of people--about the pervasive "Why aren't you married yet?" question. 

I don't know why, as a society (or perhaps just in the LDS culture), we feel the need to have to justify or come up with possible reasons as to why someone isn't married. I had this conversation last summer with a wonderful friend who is brilliant and funny and pretty and just seriously one of my favorite people on earth (in addition to being single), and as we were talking about different people we knew, I felt bad because I realized I was doing this very thing--"I can't figure out why so-and-so isn't married yet." Like there's a rhyme or reason to it. We always try to nail it down to unappealing appearances, off-putting personality traits, or a general lack of datability ("undateable!"). My wise friend noted, however, "I know fat and bossy people who are married, so that really can't be it."

I love the analogy Kristen Oaks gives in her book, A Single Voice. Basically, it's like gym class. Everyone is all ready to go as the team captains divvy up the class. You're excited for your teammates who get chosen first, and then as the crowd around you gets more and more sparse, you start to get nervous. Finally, the teams are filled and they start the game--but you never got chosen. People keep asking you why you aren't playing and you have no good answer for them. You were ready with everyone else, you are willing and excited to play, but you just didn't get chosen. (which sucks.) (see also her husband's stargazing club jackets talk. same principle there.)

It's a bit upsetting to me when people make assumptions or try to guess what horrible hidden flaw a certain single person has that's keeping them from getting married. It's especially irksome when I think about my beautiful, talented, intelligent, ambitious, successful, and just generally amazing friends who happen to be single. I am baffled as to why these people aren't married because, as is my point here, there is no reason why they shouldn't be.

On the other hand, it's so easy for me to come up with a million reasons why I'm not married. 

This basically sums it up

:

I call it the Brooke Davis syndrome. Except add to mine a whole slew of other things, like gospel principles I'm not living up to, Christ-like attributes I'm not mastering, my ambition-less life goals, being too mean (especially when hungry), etc., etc., etc. Oh, and a new one that was suggested to me this week was that it's my own doubting that I'll get married that's keeping me from getting married. Because, you know, if I can't believe it then I can't achieve it, right?
I mean, at least Brooke designed her own clothing line.

Anyway, another conversation with a coworker recently gave me some enlightenment here. She talked about how before she got married she thought that she needed to change all these things about herself, but then she found her husband, who loves her just as she is. And really, that's how it should be. I mean, I'll work on my mean-when-hungriness, and I'll keep plugging away at those Christ-like attributes, but hopefully there's someone out there who will love me for me, even with all of my imperfections.

So, yeah. Feel free to chime in with your opinion on why I'm (or YOU'RE) not married yet. :)