So I'm going to say something here, and I hope it doesn't make me seem as weird as I think it will. That said... Sometimes I see pictures of myself looking so happy (see below), and over and over (this has happened quite a few times now), this one thought comes into my mind:
"Sometimes happiness is unfeigned."
Yeah, I know. I'm a freaking weirdo. Who thinks things like that? Me, apparently. Like, do I have a problem with faking being happy? Sometimes I'll fake laugh when not-so-funny people seem like they need a boost, but overall, I think that when I'm happy, I'm happy, and when I'm not, well, I'm not. When I was little I'm pretty sure my mom thought that I was like borderline bipolar because I would be either really really happy and excited or really sad and depressed. Somewhere along the way there it has somewhat evened out, but I still tend to think that my highs and lows exceed the normal range.
Anyway, so happiness. I mean, not like it's hard to be happy when you are standing in Paris next to the Seine, eating a cookie/chocolate-flavored ice cream cone, wearing a cute outfit on a perfect summer day. Please.
However, life isn't all hanging-out-in-France-and-sunshine-and-eating-ice-cream (or so they tell me). Sometimes life is really hard and it's hard to even imagine that that kind of happiness even ever existed in your life.
It seems like I have been riding this happiness high for the last little while, and I've been trying to narrow down its source. It's definitely not my grades, since I recently got back the two lowest test scores of my life (nbd--graduating in 20 days!).
I really feel like it's boiling down to confidence. And I'm not just talking about the I'm-basically-the-cutest-person-I-know sort of confidence (which, I mean, come on), but really just knowing that despite all your weaknesses and shortcomings and straight-up sins, you are a great person. Me! I am a great person. Yes I make a million mistakes, and yes I am sometimes (read: often) mean and judgmental, but I'm trying. As always. Still trying. One day I'll succeed. And you know what? I have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. And I know that He takes away my sins and weaknesses when I repent and that He strengthens me with His saving grace. And that, my friends, is the true source of all confidence.
Yesterday in Institute someone made a great comment about confidence and then the teacher asked where that confidence came from. He answered his own question: "Aligning our lives with the commandments of God" (I was expecting, "Aligning our will with Heavenly Father's." Pretty much the same thing). It may sound strange, but I really believe that's true.
I found this quote from Elder Hoyos of the 70 from the October 2005 general conference:
"Happiness comes as a result of our obedience and our courage in always doing the will of God, even in the most difficult circumstances." So true.
Anyway, moral of the story is that when you try to align your life with the commandments, you gain confidence. And with that confidence comes happiness.
And truly, sometimes happiness is unfeigned.
4 comments:
This is a beautiful post, Mindy. We had this great lesson about grace and perfection in Relief Society the other week that really resonated with me that was much of the same thing. How comforting to know that our Heavenly Father is on our team, and really wants us to succeed!
Now I'm paranoid that you just pity laugh at my jokes. I think you have the best laugh ever so I always try to make the stupidest cracks around you so I can hear it...hope you aren't just faking it. ;) oh well. tap tap!
Yeah, we worried about you as a child. You would be hysterically laughing one minute and hysterically sobbing the next. And you can pity laugh at me all you want--just so long as I can hear you laugh. Let me also say that I think that often our physical appearance is an outward manifestation of what is going on inside of us. So when I say you do look fantastic, it's not just about what I'm seeing on the outside, I know it goes deeper than that!
I also really liked this post. Even though it's a shame our lives can't all be ice cream on the Seine, what you're talking about here ultimately does bring much a much deeper, more satisfying happiness.
PS: I took that picture. Just want to claim that.
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