Girl talk

Last night, I told my sister that one of my friends was coming over to hang out. Ensuing exchange:

Sister: so what are you guys going to do?

me: paint our nails and talk about boys.

I couldn't get over the fact that I'm 26 years old and I said that sentence, considering the last time I said something like that was probably over a decade ago.

But really, sometimes you just gotta. And unsurprisingly, our conversation probably sounded a lot like it would have were we two 14-year-old middle schoolers as opposed to the mid-twenties working women that we actually are. What can you do.  

After our thorough discussion of all the boys in our lives right now (a surprisingly long list for two albeit very cute girls), we came to a few conclusions:

1. Boys are just mostly dumb. Right? I mean, sorry to the three boys who read my blog, but it's kind of true. I'm not saying that girls aren't also dumb, but it's just a different kind, I guess. A kind I don't get. 

2. There's cute, there's smart, there's spiritual, and there's funny, but rarely is there a boy who is all four. And really, is that too much to ask for? To quote a dear friend: "that's not too much to ask for, but it might be too much to get." 

3. When will we stop being surprised by all the crazy twists and turns that result from this world of dating? It's impossible and sometimes scary and sometimes exciting to guess what could happen literally from one day to the next. In short, expect the unexpected and just embrace it!

P.S. does 5 dates in one week seem like a bit much to anyone else? 

On being broken

"I am the Lord that healeth thee"

 -Exodus 15:26

Have you ever just felt broken? Like life gave you one too many surprise punches in the face (or crow bars to the knee, or whatever), and you just couldn't do anything about it? I've been thinking about this topic these past couple of months, of being broken. Of feeling so hopeless and so completely shattered that you have nothing left to do but start picking up the pieces of your shattered self and finding any way to put them back together again. You know, rereading that, it sounds pretty dramatic, especially for what it physically equates to:  lying in bed. Doing nothing. Not even being able to remember what it felt like to be whole. 

For me, this brokenness came last year in the form of a very real and very sudden heartbreak, and the very real, almost tangible loss, for the second time in my life, of the hopes and dreams of a lifetime. I'm fairly certain that this brokenness is also what sent my immune system into a tailspin, resulting in the worst sickness of my life, just adding to my brokenness. I remember moments  where the only thing I could do was repeat over and over, "I can't. I just can't." Can't what? I'm still not sure. 

Tangent. I remember toward the end of my mission, I was getting sick all. the. time. and I also kept having these really strange health-related things happen to me, like that one time that a piece of bug or plant (the doctor couldn't definitively say) got suctioned to my eyeball. Yeah. That happened. The sisters who had been out for as long as me were experiencing similar phenomena, and we decided that we were just falling apart. We were worn out and worse for the wear. We said that by the time you had at least two things seriously wrong with you, it was time to go home. Missions are pretty good at breaking you, maybe not in the same way as a heartbreak, but breaking you nonetheless. 

So, clearly there are different levels of brokenness. Different levels of being left to wonder how to go on. Sometimes this brokenness is caused by others, or by exhaustion, or by sin. Whatever the case may be, I think we all find ourselves at one time or another facing this brokenness.

So what, I implore, is the point of this brokenness? Yes, it is just a natural byproduct of mortality, I understand that, but I am also a firm believer in the fact that to every thing there is a purpose. A few weeks ago my little cousin posted something on her Facebook that made me reflect even more upon the why of being broken. She said, talking about last year, that it was "a year that has completely broken me down and therefore allowed me to rebuild myself into the person I've always supposed to be." Wa-bam. That's getting down to the heart of the matter. I definitely think that you have to be broken before you can change, and sometimes more of a break is needed for a bigger change. Like when you break a bone and it has to be reset (and sometimes re-broken, right?) before it can begin to heal properly. Same concept here. (Almost.) 

You may or may not know of my affinity for Christian rock. No? Well, yes. I love it. And this has been one of my very favorite songs lately. It's called "Strong Enough," and it just happens to drive this point home:

"As I rest against this cold, hard wall,

will you pass me by?

Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?

I had fought so hard and thought 

that all my battles had been won,

only to find the war had just begun

Is He not strong enough?

Is He not pure enough

to break me, pour me out, and start again?

Is He not brave enough

to take one chance on me?

Please can I have one chance to start again?

Will my weakness for an hour 

make me suffer for a lifetime?

Is there any way to be made whole again?

If I'm healed, renewed, and find forgiveness, 

find the strength I've never had,

will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?

Is He not strong enough?

Is He not pure enough

to break me, pour me out, and start again?

Is He not brave enough

to take one chance on me?

Please can I have one chance to start again?

He took my life into His hands 

and turned it all around.

In my most desperate circumstance,

it's there I've finally found

That You are strong enough.

That You are pure enough

to break me, pour me out, and start again.

That You are brave enough

to take one chance on me

Oh thank You for my chance to start again."

Isn't one of the requirements of the gospel of Jesus Christ to have a broken heart? Is that not the sacrifice we have to be willing to make to be called His disciples? Now, I'm not saying that this broken heart is always the same as the one I'm talking about, but surely they're in the same realm. 

So here's the crux of what I'm trying to get to, here: sometimes we have to be broken in order for the Lord to begin to rebuild us into what He needs us to be. Apparently I have a lot of refining to be done. But something that I experienced quite vividly with my most recent brokenness was just how willing He is to help us rebuild and how efficient He is at doing just that! I loved what Elder Dyches said in this past general conference: "Jesus Christ heals body, mind, and spirit, and His healing begins with faith." He also pointed out the how of accessing this healing power: 

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matt. 11:28-30). 

Simple as that.

Another slight tangent that that song brings up: the brokenness caused by sin--how much of God's plans for our lives does that actually mess up? Despite our sins and mistakes, are we still eligible for the blessings/opportunities/wholeness that we would have had, had we not messed up? I contend that yes, we are. And what's more, I believe that because of the humility that comes with repentance, we are better able to receive those blessings, that wholeness, than before. (though, caveat, you of course can be humble and therefore that kind of receptive without being compelled to be humble. obvs.)

Wow am I grateful for a Savior who came to earth to "[heal] the broken in heart, and [bind] up their wounds" (Psalm 147:3), who came for "they that are sick" (Matt.9:12), who said to so many, "thy faith hath made thee whole" (Matt. 9:22), and whose mere garment "made perfectly whole" those who touched it (Matt. 14:36). He has been my Healer, my Savior, and my support through the most broken of days--the most broken of hearts and bodies. He has been my hope when I didn't have any. He has been my motivation when I couldn't. I just couldn't. 

Here's the thing, though. His healing comes on His terms. He asks, "Wilt thou be made whole?" Basically: if you desire MY healing, are you willing to have it be done MY way? But His way is always the best way, and that's why, when we allow Him to rebuild us, we can be confident that we are 100% whole, and rebuilt in an image that's maybe just a bit closer to His own. 

New arrivals

... unfortunately, it wasn't me who got a puppy. 

I sure do love my sister-in-law, and even more so now that she went behind my brother's back and got a brand new puppy. Now, you have to understand, we are not traditionally dog people in my family (minus one sister), but PUPPIES are a whole different story. 

I mean, look at that face!! I don't know whose is cuter–Cohen's or the puppy's (whose name, by the way, is Scooby. He doesn't look like a Scooby to me, but I think I can just get away with calling him "puppy" for a while).

Hours of entertainment, right here:

The only thing we worry about is the kids' enthusiasm. Hopefully such a tiny puppy can make it in a house full of four rambunctious kiddos!

Trying to eat Gavin's hand:

Puppy didn't know to look at the camera. But the profile is just as cute, so it doesn't even matter!

And then after a solid 20 minutes of playing, he just fell asleep. In like two seconds. And my heart broke a little bit for how adorable it was. 

Gahhhh!!! My heart! 

Despite our best-laid plans, Megan and I decided against stealing the puppy... for now. We'll see what happens in the future, though. We also threw around the idea of one of us quitting our job so that we can get a puppy and have someone there to play with it all the time. Again, not really feasible. Alas...

Don't worry, though. I'm did not come out of this week completely empty-handed! This is why I have to limit my trips to the DI, because I end up spending $30 on a bunch of stuff that I don't actually need but can make a fairly good argument for. 

Hence:

Got this baby for $5! And after convincing myself that I actually did have enough scrapbook paper (not to mention room enough in my closet), I came home and found out that I actually do have enough paper to justify it. So, hooray! I love feeling like I organized something that I didn't even know needed organizing. 

Editorializing the everyday

You had to have expected this. That my blog would somehow start incorporating grammar ditties (not that they're going to be set to music or anything, but maybe one day...). With the new year, I thought I ought to revamp the blog a bit. And I also decided that I needed an outlet where I could vent all my grammar usage (and misuse) frustrations. With all that in mind, I came up with [created, if you will] a new blog title:

Editorializing the Everyday. 

The inspiration mostly came from my latest pet peeve: the improper use of everyday vs. every day. So first thing's first. Let's go over this real quick.

everyday is an adjective. As in, it describes things–things that are just run-of-the-mill, boring ol' things that have some sort of regularity to them. Everyday chores. Everyday shoes. Whatever.

everyday can also be a noun, as in, the everyday. The daily grind would be pretty synonymous with that, as much as I hate that expression.

every day. This expression is composed of every, which is an adjective by itself, and day, which is a noun. Every is describing day, as in every day, the sun rises. And every day, I brush my teeth. I need to exercise every day. Which day? every day. If you can substitute each into the phrase, then pick this one.

Phew. Okay. Glad to have that off my chest. Back to the new blog title. Editorializing? I don't consider myself to be a very opinionated person (perhaps because I don't make myself informed enough about certain topics to be able to intelligently claim an opinion), but I do love editing, and it's close, right? I also do have my own point of view on things (read: life), and I plan on continuing to share them, along with my random happenings, periodic epiphanies and insights, and yes, a few grammar-themed posts mixed in there.

So, enjoy. Or not. Either way, there it is.

To start off this newly titled blog right, here are a few pictures of some of my favorite everyday objects:

My hand sanitizer. I'd probably die without this. Like, literally. Who knows how many times it's saved my life already. Also I'm sick right now, so it's probably saving some other people, too.

My lip gloss. I don't really have a special-occasions lip gloss, so this is not only my everyday lip gloss, it's my only lip gloss ever. I use it every day. Multiple times a day. Okay, multiple times an hour.

The happy jar

For Christmas, I made these jars for my family. They're all in different colors and so cute that I wish I'd taken a picture of them all before I gave them away. Oh well. 

Anyway, so naturally I saw this idea on Pinterest and thought it was brilliant. It's been a really rough year for my family, and I thought we could all do with some reminders of the many, many good things that happen in our lives. So here's to remembering all the good and happy things this year! 

I can already tell that this week is going to have at least 2 new entries into the Happy Jar! :)

New Year's new word

I'll be honest, I'm a little bit sad to see 2013 end. It was such a great year for me (minus a few key events, but whatev). Saying goodbye to my college days also feels like saying goodbye to my traveling days and my fun summers, so I'm having this pessimistic attitude toward 2014 (not to mention the rest of my life in general). I realize how silly that is, but it's there nonetheless. I also recognize this weird phobia I have that my awesome life is going to all of a sudden stop being awesome and that Heavenly Father is going to stop blessing and guiding me, but knowing that doesn't rid me of my irrational fears so easily. 

Luckily, I was recently introduced to this talk by Elder Holland called "An High Priest of Good Things to Come." I'm sure you've seen the Mormon Message that derives from the talk--I think I've seen that one more than any other, but I was shocked to find that I'd never read the original talk. Fail. Elder Holland always knows how to put us in our place, doesn't he? In response to my pessimistic outlook: "Even as the Lord avoids sugary rhetoric, He rebukes faithlessness and He deplores pessimism." Yep. His main point was about looking to the future with faith and having hope in good things yet to come. "Every one of us has times when we need to know things will get better. Moroni spoke of it in the Book of Mormon as 'hope for a better world' (I'm calling it my "hope for a better year"). For emotional health and spiritual stamina, everyone needs to be able to look forward to some respite, to something pleasant and renewing and hopeful." 

I think the bulk of my hesitancy-to-move-into-the-next-year attitude stems from the fact that I have nothing solid to look forward to anymore. My future is wide open. No upcoming events or trips or special occasions or anything. But the point that Elder Holland makes here is that because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we can always have that hope of good things to come. So even if I don't see what's on the horizon of my life, I can confidently trust that there are indeed good things ahead.  

As always, Christ is the perfect example of faith in the future: "Nothing could break His faith in His Father's plan or His Father's promises. Even in those darkest hours at Gethsemane and Calvary, He pressed on, continuing to trust in the very God whom He momentarily feared had forsaken Him. . . . Because Christ's eyes were unfailingly fixed on the future, He could endure all that was required of Him."

So I guess the lesson here is that I need to fix my eyes on the future, and trust that Heavenly Father has promised me lots of things that are yet to happen but will still really happen. I need to remember that "there is help and happiness ahead--a lot of it," and like Elder Holland, I need to remember to "thank my Father in Heaven for His goodness past, present, and future." He has been SO good to me. He is so good to me. And I know He'll continue to be good to me. 

Alright. Faith in 2014. Ready, go. With that in mind, I was thinking about how one of my friends chooses one word at the end of each year to describes that year. As I was thinking about assigning words to years retroactively, I decided that this year I'd assign 2014 a word just as it was getting started, in part to help overcome my pessimism. 

So I was reading through this scrapbooking magazine at work (gotta keep up-to-date with the competition, you know), and one of the pages was all about New Year's resolutions, but every resolution started with "I intend." I loved this little phrase she had written at the end: "Continuing the intention to live the length and width." I just love that. Maybe because it sounds so scriptural, I don't know. I really want to want to live my life, and to have it have a length and a width large enough to make it worthwhile. I want a life that I love. Don't get me wrong--I love my life already, but I just want to ensure that it stays that way. So with that as my inspiration, I sat down to think about the word that would help me have that kind of life. 

In my brainstorming, I threw around words and phrases like "live it up" (obviously I got really creative here--not), "enough," "do it," "own it," "active," "abundantly" (I had to throw an adverb in there)... None of them seemed quite right. I thought more about it, tried to visualize what I wanted this year to be like, and finally settled on one that fit: create. 

Now I'm not sure if I just chose that because I work for a scrapbook company and creating things is basically what that industry is all about, but I just love every connotation of it. I don't think awesome opportunities are going to fall in my lap anymore--at least not as often as they did in college. I'm going to have to create the life I want instead of waiting around for it to just happen. So this year, that's what I'm going to do:

Create friendships; create lasting relationships. 

Create travel opportunities, even if they don't take me very far from home. 

Create a more healthy body. 

Create more interesting thoughts by reading more, writing more, and spending less time wasting time. 

Create a budget. Yeah.

Create a more spiritual climate in my life, in my room, in my soul.

Create a life worth living. A life I'd choose to live.

After I chose my new word for 2014, I remembered this talk that President Uchtdorf gave a few years ago called "Happiness, Your Heritage." He talks about how the greatest happiness is God's happiness. Understanding God's happiness isn't exactly the most straightforward concept to grasp, however, since His ways are not our ways. But, as Pres. Uchtdorf points out, He is able to accomplish His goals of bringing to pass man's immortality and eternal life because of two things: He is a God of creation and compassion. "Creating and being compassionate are two objectives that contribute to our Heavenly Father's perfect happiness. Creating and being compassionate are two activities that we as His spirit children can and should emulate." So, I guess I need to add "be compassionate" to my list of goals. Seriously something I always need to work on. 

He also gave some encouraging words on what exactly it means to create: "The bounds of creativity extend far beyond the limits of a canvas or a sheet of paper and do not require a brush, a pen, or the keys of a piano (which is good because I'm not really all that artistic). Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before--colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter." 

To go along with that, and not to get all P.S. I Love You on you or anything, but I love this idea about what it means to create something: "Just create something... new, and there it is, and it's you, out in the world, outside of you, and you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it, and you know a little more about you. A little bit more than anyone else does."  

And of course, "The more you trust and rely upon the Spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come."

So here's to creating a life I'd choose to live, even if it weren't my own. Here's to creating a belief that I can make my life just as fulfilling as I'd like it to be! Here's to creating 2014. 

I hope it's a good one for you, too :)

Ode to my house

Today I said goodbye to a very dear friend who has been with me for almost 23 years and has seen me through, well, everything. Playing Nintendo with my older brother, my sister and I asking each other if we were still awake while going to sleep in our bunk beds, having sock-throwing battles in my older sisters' room, hiding on top of the fridge during hide-and-seek, counting down til we could wake our parents on Christmas morning, playing in the out-of-control weeds in the backyard, jumping on the tramp and breaking my finger, leaving and returning from various adventures near and far, sneaking out my window to go hang out with *cough* (boy) friends, crying from growing pains and heartbreaks, laughing hysterically, tripping up and down the stairs almost every time, painting the walls, growing up and moving out. You get the idea.

I love that because we took the shelf that my grandpa built for my room, there remains the record of the evolution of my room: from my purple, butterfly-bordered middle school days to now.

Mindy lived here.

My mom left the heart-shaped wreath on the door, "as a symbol that we love this house."

So, dear friend, I will miss you. I'm trying to focus on all the wonderful, happy memories I have with you and not think about how sad I am to not be able to create new ones. I'm so grateful to have been able to call you home for so long. Farewell.