Muddling things, as mom says.

Confession: I once kissed a guy at the end of a blind date. Granted, it was a really good date including bike riding (winner), but still, we'd only known each other for about three hours before we were lip-locked on his driveway. I know, I know. Not my proudest moment. And let's not even get started on my cuddling stats. 

Much to my mother's chagrin, my number one love language is physical touch, and as such, I'm naturally more drawn to guys who are touchy and am, myself, quite touchy also. 

Over the past few years, I feel like I've become a bit looser with my lips (again, sorry mom.) (but really, as I think about it, I went years having the same boyfriend who I kissed a lot. So maybe the last statement really isn't true, it's just that it seems worse now that it's not all with the same person. Huh.). Don't get me wrong—I'm not going around kissing every guy I see, but if we've had a few good dates and there's chemistry, and he goes for it ("it" being a kiss or cuddling), I'm not going to stop him. Maybe it's part of that whole if-I'm-not-getting-married-anytime-soon-then-I-might-as-well-enjoy-it mindset. And I go back and forth on being okay with that, and then thinking that I shouldn't be quite such a lip liberalist. I know people who won't kiss someone unless they'd also feel comfortable saying "I love you" to them, which seems kind of extreme to me, but at the same time, kissing someone who you hardly know isn't really that great of an idea either. (I once made the rule that I wouldn't kiss someone unless I knew their middle name. Def broke that one recently. Whoops.) But I can never really decide once and for all where I lie on this issue. 

Here's the problem. The one that my mom always likes to point out to me, which, really, is preaching to the somewhat stubborn, maybe-too-fun-loving choir: when you get physical with someone that you're dating (or, perish the thought, with someone you're not even dating yet) too soon, it muddles things. 

Muddle, verb

1. To throw into a state of mental uncertainty

2. To undo the proper order or arrangement of

3. To make a mess of

Basically, getting physical too soon clouds your judgment of the person and your probably-not-too-substantial relationship (if you can even call it a relationship yet!). It messes up the natural order of things and overall just makes you confused and anxious for no good reason. And when I say "you," I mean "me."

Let me illustrate the distorted thought process here:

"I like kissing/cuddling" —> "I like kissing/cuddling with you" —> "I like you." ("Really? But wait. . . I don't even know you yet!")

See the problem?

I know this. I recognize the problem. And I still do it.

So a few months ago I went to this awesome Institute class about relationships. The speaker was so funny and clever, and I about died laughing. I wish I had written down any of the hilarious things she said, but trust me: it was great. One of her main talking points was about the stages of a relationship, as listed here:

1) Attraction

2) Uncertainty

3) Exclusivity

4) Emotional Intimacy

5) Engagement (like, literally engaged)

The problem comes when the physicality begins before even step number 2. Isn't the "uncertainty" label alone enough to dissuade me from picking up the pace before then? Apparently not. 

She also talked about how important it is to be a crock pot instead of a microwave when it comes to relationships. You get the analogy, right? No need to explain that one. Taking your time generally leads to better outcomes.

vs.

As one of my friends so aptly put it: "It's great being a microwave if you want instant gratification. But if you want something that will fill you up and even give you leftovers, it's better to invest in a crock pot meal." But really... who's got time for that? Hence why it's so hard to develop quality relationships: it takes a lot of time. Go figure. 

Maybe my mom will regret calling me "Mindy Annie" all these years because, just like Ado Annie, I have a problem: 

kissing is my favorite food!

The eternal predicament is destined to continue, my friends, unless something drastic happens. Please share with me your kissing-and-cuddling-delaying tactics. Or should I just embrace it? (haha... I didn't even make that pun on purpose.) What do you think? Mom, you don't need to comment; I already know your stance :)