Pick me!

Last night I had a dream that I was sending out my résumé to guys on this online dating site... Troubling? A little bit. 

Obviously I've been doing too much of both of those. But this morning I realized that it's basically the same thing, and here's why:

Trying to convince potential husbands that I'd make a good wife. Uh... I'm cute? Strong testimony! So fun! And I'm out. (Is the lack of "I love cooking" tidbit on there that glaringly obvious?)

vs. 

Trying to convince potential employers that I'd make a good employee. Uh... I'm a hard worker? I can edit like nobody's business. And yeah... pick me? My résumé is pretty cute; I'm pretty much banking on that. (Although, again, it's lacking, in the HTML/marketing experience. Oh well.)

Both with subtle undertones of...

So, yeah. I'm to that exact point in my life where I need either a job or a husband. Preferably both. So if you have any leads on either front, let me know!

Because, you know, I'm a Mormon.

So I just updated my mormon.org profile. I figured it was about time, since I first created it when I had just returned home from my mission three years ago and basically nothing about my life is the same anymore. Except, you know, what I believe. 

So... yeah. Go ahead and click on my new "I'm a Mormon" button right there. Right. To the right. Right there. 

If by chance you aren't Mormon (otherwise known as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), you can check out what we believe at mormon.org (go figure, right?). And if you ARE a Mormon, you should go set up your "I'm a Mormon" profile! And if you are a Mormon and already have a profile, good job! :)

Good for my soul

The other day at work, my next-door desk neighbor and I were looking over an article about Moses (yes, this is what working at the Church magazines entails. It's awesome). We were both shocked to discover how much we didn't know about this snake staff-wielding, Red Sea-parting, burning bush-seeing prophet, like the fact that he fled Egypt after killing someone. What the heck? That wasn't in any movie I ever saw about Moses. I mean, I'm sure he had a good, Nephi-like reason for doing it that's not recorded in the scriptures, whatever. It's not shaking my testimony or anything, but I was stunned that I had never even heard of what seems like kind of a big detail, and I consider myself to be fairly scripturally literate. 

So naturally, I decided that it was high time to read the Old Testament. I have always thought of this as a relatively impossible task, and granted I'm only at the end of Genesis so I still have a long way to go, but I just feel that this daily reading has been so good for my soul.

From what I've read so far, the Old Testament seems to be largely about Jehovah keeping His promises—even (and especially) those crazy, how-on-earth-could-that-possibly-ever-happen promises. Which is good for me because I'm waiting on a couple of those.   

I've read most of these scriptures before, but stringing them all together like this just gives me more faith in the power of God's promises.  

Genesis 30:22, "and God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her."

Genesis 28:16, "and Jacob awakened out of his sleep and he said, Surely the Lord is in this place; and I knew it not."

Genesis 25:21, "And Isaac entreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren: and the Lord was entreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived."

Genesis 21:2, 6, "For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him (see Gen. 18:10, "And he said, I will certainly return unto thee according to the time of life; and lo, Sarah thy wife shall have a son."). 

". . . And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, so that all that hear will laugh with me."

Genesis 18:14, "Is any thing too hard for the Lord? 

At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son."

Genesis 15:6, "And he believed in the Lord; and he counted it to him for righteousness."

Love it!

What themes have you seen in the Old Testament? Let me know now before I get too far in and miss them all!

The most ironic picture of my life

Let's do a little throwback here, to a Halloween of yesteryear. It's 2006, and I am a sophomore in college, living with five of my very best friends in the world. I am also engaged, so naturally when my roommates and I make up our "marriage order prediction" list, I am number 1. Hence the picture. You can see here my painted pumpkin-bride. It's clear what was on my mind. I'm pretty sure it was my fiancé who took the picture even.

Seven years later, and this picture kind of haunts me. Only a few months after it was taken, my fiancé and I broke up, and my roommates systematically began getting engaged and married, one by one. And I had a horrible on-again-off-again with the ex-fiancé for years and years afterward. Yeah. Painful.

So here's the thing. When I was in high school (or really, I guess as soon as I started thinking about it), I always had this idea that whoever was prettiest and skinniest would get married first. So I was psyched to be the first one out of all my pretty, skinny roommates to tie the knot. 

Well, that knot was not to be, and for years afterward I thought, "well of course. Naturally! How could I be the first one to get married? I'm neither the prettiest nor the skinniest. I was doomed from the get-go."

I have since realized the ridiculousness of that train of thought. Logically I recognize that there are people less attractive and fatter than me who have successfully gotten married, but somehow it's still something I struggle with. Why else wouldn't I be married by now? (Sorry if this post is beginning to sound a lot like this one.)

Does anyone else feel like perfection is a prerequisite to marriage? Or is that just me? For far too long I've been listening to that voice that tells me that I'm just not good enough to be married. I'm learning, little by little, to not heed that voice. But it's hard. And I think of that picture and that pumpkin and how I never thought I would get married, so I was incredulous when it was happening and then had to revel in my self-fulfilled prophecy when it didn't work out. 

I so often have to pray, "help thou my unbelief," because honestly, I still just don't really believe that it's going to happen. How could it? I'll never be good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough--especially to satisfy someone who fits my picky qualifications. 

I just think there is something eternally ironic in that painted pumpkin of mine. Marriage: my ever-elusive attainment. Despite how much I think of that pumpkin and how it seems to mock me and feed my insecurities, I will keep reminding myself that for whatever reason, I needed to go through those experiences. And I will keep reminding myself what an awesome, way-better-than-if-I'd-have-gotten-married-then life I've had so far. So many experiences have made me never regret that it didn't work out. 

Hope has become my new mantra in the face of my unbelief, especially as other serious relationships have come about and also ended painfully. I will continue to place my hope in my Savior and my Father in Heaven, knowing that they will bring every good gift and blessing into my life; that they will guide my future as they have the past. And my past has included some freaking awesome things.

If only I hadn't ever painted that dang pumpkin.